(In case you missed the first 1 grievances, Grievance 1: Playing Time and Grievance 2: The Competition. )
Grievance 3: Teammates
Uncontrollable: Who is on your team; Other players attitudes; Other players work ethic;
Controllable: Being a good teammate; being a good leader; leading by example; not talking about people behind their back; putting the team first; being loyal
“I don’t get along with some of my teammates.”
“Most of my teammates have a really bad attitude.”
“My teammates don’t care as much I do.”
Well, you’re stuck with them! So you can either figure out a way to handle different situations that are presented, or you can opt out to quit. In high school, you don’t really have a choice of who you get to play with, what their attitude is like, how they treat people like and what their work ethic is like. When you get a job, you don’t really get to have much of a choice either. You can never change people, but you can always have a voice and try to lead by example in your own actions. When speaking up in a team meeting or to a teammate, have good intentions with where you are coming from with your statements. It’s always about the team, not always about you. Trying to prove yourself as “right” usually does not work in conversations with a teammate. Leading, reminding of a vision, reminding of the mission of the team works better than pointing fingers.
If you have a teammate who doesn’t have a good attitude, and you think it’s affecting the team, it’s completely acceptable to pull that player off to the side and let her know how you feel.
I recommend doing this before you go days upon days talking to your other teammates about the girl who has a bad attitude. Then it festers. Then it just makes the other teammates turn on her. It grows to become a cancer. Say something to her before you talk to all of you teammates constantly about it. It’s HER job to take it the correct way, so long as you are telling her in an appropriate manner.
Sometimes, before even going directly to the player, you can try to have team meetings. This works best without your coach even TELLING the team they need to get together. Be a leader and pull together the team before your coach recognizes that the team needs to meet together to talk some thing out.
If you are truly a leader on the team and want the best for the team, you are ok with standing up for what you believe in and what is truly going to benefit the team the best.
Remember, you don’t have to want to hang out with every player on your team OFF the field and be best friends. But ON the field, it’s your duty to find a way to get along with each other and take care of each other. From the outside looking in, nobody should be able to tell that you are NOT best friends. Supporting someone on the field does not mean you have to go to the movies with that person on the weekend. It’s a very mature thing to do to be able to separate the two. The same can be said in an opposite situation: your best friend plays on the team, but she is showing a bad attitude and not trying hard. It says a lot about you as a leader if you are able to tell your good friend that how she is acting is not helping the team, it is only hurting the team. You all have the same mission: winning together. And THAT should be what is remembered when it comes time to compete on the field and at practice
- TEAM comes first
- How can you find a way to communicate with someone
- On the field, get along and fight for each other; off the field you don’t have to be best friends
- Think about what you say before you say it or repeat what someone told you.
- Work as hard as YOU possibly can.
- I’ll say it again, no matter what, TEAM COMES FIRST
There is only so much you can say and so much you can lead by example when you notice it’s just not working, but that doesn’t mean it has to pull YOU down. When someone has a bad attitude around you, if you’ve already tried saying something, it’s best to ignore it. The strength of the team has to move forward to try to drown that person out. Don’t give that person energy. Don’t give that person time. If they’re not going to change, they’re not going to change. There will always be those “inbetweeners” on a team. Do you know who I’m talking about? Those are the players who could go either way – they can pull more toward the strong leaders or they can gravitate more toward the cancers. It’s your job as leaders to try to get them on YOUR side. They become the difference makers on the team. Empower them to feel the difference of what it’s like to be more on the positive side than the negative side.
Don’t get caught up in team drama!!!! Don’t do it! I know it’s temping, and it’s there (a lot). If you hear someone talking about another person, say you don’t want to hear about it. Maybe even tell them not to talk about that in front of you. Maybe you can tell them that if they have a problem with that person, they need to go talk to that person directly.
It’s not “cool” to be the teammate who talks about other teammates behind their back once you leave the field. I PROMISE.
What is your character like? What do you want it to be? It speaks volumes about you, not just as a player, but as a person, for the drama to end with you. It’s ok to be that girl who other teammates know they can’t talk about other teammates in front of! Be a loyal teammate. A loyal teammate does not talk about other teammates behind their back. For 4 ways to learn how to be a loyal teammate, click here.
Learning to communicate is one of the biggest things we can learn in this world.
Communication is SO VITAL in life and with your teammates. Learning to talk to someone in the right tone, and have a conversation, not a fight, is important in terms of respecting each other. Learn to say what you want to say with words without yelling.
Just because you are yelling doesn’t mean that someone is listening or understanding you that much better.
Set expectations and standards of how your team plays. Control your own attitude and your own work ethic. If you’ve tried to have a one on one talk and a team talk, and it’s just not working, don’t let it effect YOU. When talking in a team setting, it’s ok to say stuff out loud that you believe in and you know that’s right. At the end of the day, remember that every action is either hurting or helping the mission of the TEAM. I don’t know about you, but I like to win. Team chemistry and trust are huge parts of winning. Set a good example, treat your teammates the right way and do all that YOU can to help the mission of the team.
3 CommentsLeave a comment
All of this pertains to dealing with other parents too! Thank you!
Another awesome article, going to print this one and have my daughter give to her team as they are just going to be starting their HS season.